"When I go out, it’s all so expensive; whatever I do, it’s all so expensive."

Title from: Lip Service - Too Fancy.


I am someone who never feels satisfied about myself.

Self-loathing issue aside, I also meant this financially. Sure, I have a great job with decent salary (considering there are many people still being paid a lot less - see, I can be woke too!), but there are times when I don’t feel like it’s enough. And yes, I am being ungrateful, and I should blame it all on my careless and over-the-top spending, but I am trying my very best here to restrain myself.

Anyone got a good way on how to?

My biggest splurge will definitely be going-out costs. Yes, I could definitely decrease this but then again, like I said, I have very terrible self control. I love going out and meet people. I love hanging out with my friends in cafes. And I drink beer as if they’re water. And that’s not nice. Not just health-wise - or religion-wise - but also, money-wise. Furthermore, I also have this stupid resolution on meeting at least 100 friends this year, which is actually not as stupid as it sounds, I can assure you.

Second reason why I always run out of money fast is to pay rent for this room that I live in. This was not an easy and smartest decision, and I had thought of moving back with my mom so I can save up money at least for a few months. Transportation cost will pretty much be the same with my renting cost, but then again there are other aspects - laundries, groceries, and food. Living alone means these come out of my own pockets. But after thinking about it for weeks and weeks, although spending that much money just for the sake of my own selfish goal-achievement of standing on my own two feet and be financially stable without help from my parents, I think I'm good right now. I feel accomplished, and I need that to feel good about myself once in a while, to replace the midnight what-ifs with at-leasts.

I always wanted to get myself another job but, silly me, I actually have two jobs right now. And it’s still not enough. When I’m lucky, I can get a teaching or translating gig, but here’s the thing about freelancing - it’s feels great and it pays well, but it’s insanely hard to land a gig. At least for me.

So the only way now is to put a self-control over myself. Which is something I always have a hard time on. And not just about money, but pretty much about everything.

So, yeah, I’m now off to google “How to Tell Yourself Not to Spend So Much Money on Things You Don’t Need or You’ll be Fucked”. I wish there will be something to help me there.

In the meantime, let’s sacrifice some more sleeping time and score some freelancing gigs, shall we?

"Stand up straight, fight your way, fight your way, fight your way."

Title from: Amber - Borders.


I have told by many that I should rush things.

I don’t know about you, but I am surrounded by a lot of people telling me I should start thinking about settling down. I am only 24. And I know this also applies to many, many of us — if you’re not one of the bunch, congratulations!

But at the same time, I started looking around and seeing my friends building their futures with their loved ones. When you started getting wedding invitations adressed to you, you know adulthood’s just right around the corner. That’s when, whether you like it or not, and whether you really care or don’t, the pressure started to slowly sink in. And trust me, I am not one who wants to settle down fast. I mentioned to people that I want to get married when I’m 30, an usually most of them would give me a weird look as if I said I wanted to die alone.

So I started asking myself, am I really living my life the right way?

And you know what? I am.

People have different goals in their lives — some want to have master degree abroad, some want to build a family soon enough, some want to just get by. And mine is, to be able to live by myself, without any help — financially — from my parents. And I am living that goal right now.

I have also been told that I am stupid enough to spend a good portion of my monthly pay on renting a room, when I could have stayed with my parents, saved the money and gone on a holiday or bought nice things. Sure, it did make me sad once a while, like when I didn’t have enough money to buy few cans of beer, or when my laptop died and yet I needed to just hang in there. But every single month, after I paid the rent, I always had this sense of relief, satisfaction and happiness that I could afford to live by myself.

Does that mean I called out on people still living with their families.

Absolutely not, because our goals are different.

While mine is to be financially stable to get on my own feet and feed myself every month, yours can probably be to travel around the world. Maybe to buy your own car? Building a dream startup? Working on a nice company? Or maybe, just maybe, getting married? When you are living with someone else’s goal as your KPI, you can never measure how satisfied you are in life, because that is not what you live for. And that is why, it’s not fair to ask someone to follow anyone else’s path, don’t you think?

When you are about to do something with your life, especially when it comes with big changes, ask yourself — will it make you happy?

Because that’s the only thing that matters.

"I just wanna get inspired, but all the people on earth have similar colors."

Title from: Beenzino - Life in Color.


Look who's here!

It's someone who always whines about needing to blog and promises to come back to blogging and yet never ever fails to break her own promise. It's that time of the year again, baby.

I guess the urge to blog is always there, as I always have something to tell, and sometimes it gets overwhelming just to hold it inside. I always regret that I stopped blogging, and when I do, this happens. So, yeah. This will be another check-in post. Hopefully, I can actually write something better soon when I am not tired and don't have any ounce of alcohol in my system.

Oh well, see you when I see you, I guess?