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"When I go out, it’s all so expensive; whatever I do, it’s all so expensive."

Title from: Lip Service - Too Fancy [Spotify | Youtube].


I am someone who never feels satisfied about myself.

Self-loathing issue aside, I also meant this financially. Sure, I have a great job with decent salary (considering there are many people still being paid a lot less - see, I can be woke too!), but there are times when I don’t feel like it’s enough. And yes, I am being ungrateful, and I should blame it all on my careless and over-the-top spending, but I am trying my very best here to restrain myself.

Anyone got a good way on how to?

My biggest splurge will definitely be going-out costs. Yes, I could definitely decrease this but then again, like I said, I have very terrible self control. I love going out and meet people. I love hanging out with my friends in cafes. And I drink beer as if they’re water. And that’s not nice. Not just health-wise - or religion-wise - but also, money-wise. Furthermore, I also have this stupid resolution on meeting at least 100 friends this year, which is actually not as stupid as it sounds, I can assure you.

Second reason why I always run out of money fast is to pay rent for this room that I live in. This was not an easy and smartest decision, and I had thought of moving back with my mom so I can save up money at least for a few months. Transportation cost will pretty much be the same with my renting cost, but then again there are other aspects - laundries, groceries, and food. Living alone means these come out of my own pockets. But after thinking about it for weeks and weeks, although spending that much money just for the sake of my own selfish goal-achievement of standing on my own two feet and be financially stable without help from my parents, I think I'm good right now. I feel accomplished, and I need that to feel good about myself once in a while, to replace the midnight what-ifs with at-leasts.

I always wanted to get myself another job but, silly me, I actually have two jobs right now. And it’s still not enough. When I’m lucky, I can get a teaching or translating gig, but here’s the thing about freelancing - it’s feels great and it pays well, but it’s insanely hard to land a gig. At least for me.

So the only way now is to put a self-control over myself. Which is something I always have a hard time on. And not just about money, but pretty much about everything.

So, yeah, I’m now off to google “How to Tell Yourself Not to Spend So Much Money on Things You Don’t Need or You’ll be Fucked”. I wish there will be something to help me there.

In the meantime, let’s sacrifice some more sleeping time and score some freelancing gigs, shall we?

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