"Dunia di kala senja teduh pelita, bertemu dalam ruang rindunya."

Title from: Senja Teduh Pelita - MALIQ & D'Essentials [Spotify | Youtube].

--

I'm not one to stay afloat at the feeling of being in love.

Much like walking from coast to center, emotions come like an intense wave, crashing on me, knocking me down with no mercy.

It hits so strongly, with daydreamings and sappy playlist and feeling like I'm on the top of the world and analyzing every single movement. Drowning, sometimes - or most of the times, let's be honest - no other option in hand but to let it wash over me, if it ever does.

It always does, though. Even the strongest wave dies on me.

Doesn't mean it gets easier each time.

But this time, the wave was so, so much stronger. I began questioning the capability - could it really be this vivid? Or had I not take my walk along the beach much enough lately?

The latter seemed to be true - after all, when the first batch of water came close to my feet, it felt unfamiliar, despite me having my toes dipped dozens of time during the span of my lifetime before. It was foreign, weird - I liked it and I didn't, which was normal, but I forgot that it was supposed to.

But then again, I was never fond of not being in control of my own feelings.

Days and weeks of letting myself drenched as the wave got taller, minutes before it crashed, I was still in deep denial and rejection that I felt like this, once again.

And before I knew it, I was drowning.

I'm drowning.

"Cause it's still your voice that I hear in my head, no matter the time of day."

Title from: Simmer - BAYNK [Spotify | Youtube].

--

You've always told me that I wrote best when I was being honest.

If I'm being honest, I've always wondered if time was the only thing that went wrong between us.

If I'm being honest, I've always wondered what would happen if you could communicate your feelings better — if I could communicate how much I wanted you better.

And if I'm being honest, every now and then, the thought of me letting us slipped away, is still punishing me, night and day.

"I bet you never knew, on my lonely nights, it all comes back to you."

Title from: safety - greek [Spotify | Youtube].

--

Romantisasi hujan bukanlah sesuatu yang mudah kupahami.

Namun langit kelabu selalu menjadi sesuatu yang indah di kepalaku -

akan asosiasinya tentangmu; langkah kecilmu, celotehan riangmu,

presensi penuhmu, seutuhnya; betapa dirinya kontras bersanding dengan kiranamu.

Dalam segala musim dan cuaca,

hingga kini pun, sesaat sebelum rintik tiba;

selalu akan ada waktu untuk langit kelabu membawaku kembali.