Title from: Senja Teduh Pelita - MALIQ & D'Essentials [Spotify | Youtube].
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I'm not one to stay afloat when it comes to being in love.
Much like walking from coast to center, emotions come like an intense wave—crashing over me, knocking me down without mercy.
It hits so strongly—with daydreams and sappy playlists and feeling like I'm on top of the world, analyzing every single movement. Drowning, sometimes—or most of the time, let's be honest—with no option but to let it wash over me, if it ever does.
It always does, though. Even the worst wave dies on me.
Doesn't mean it gets easier each time.
But this time, the wave was so, so much stronger. I began questioning the capacity—could it really be this vivid? Or had I just not taken my walk along the beach often enough lately?
The latter seemed to be true. After all, when the first batch of water came close to my feet, it felt unfamiliar—despite me having dipped my toes dozens of times over the years. It was foreign, weird—I liked it and I didn’t, which was normal, but I forgot it was supposed to feel that way.
Then again, I was never fond of not being in control of my own feelings.
Days and weeks of letting myself get drenched as the wave got taller, minutes before it crashed—I was still in deep denial and rejection that I felt like this, once again.
And before I knew it, I was drowning.
I'm drowning.